In Yiddish, according to Leo Rosten in his essential The Joys Of Yiddish, “schmuck” can mean three things: a penis, a fool or a son of a bitch. Looking around at the various problems pushing humanity to the precipice, I see plenty of penises, fools and SOBs. Plenty of schmucks. Hell, they’ve surrounded us as only schmucks can – with their “schmuck” aura. Elon Musk? What a schmuck! Donald Trump – a schmuck on steroids! Vladimir Putin? Maybe the world’s Uber-Schmuck. Schmucks really have become a little too ubiquitous for our collective good. That’s why we’re drowning in a sea of them!

“Schmuck’s” likely source is the German word “schmuck” which means “jewel” or “ornamentation”. Yiddish is catch-all kind of language that leans heavily on German. But, as languages do, Yiddish reflects a lot of the Ashkenazi Jewish culture in its vocabulary and usage. In particular, Yiddish captures its deep sense of irony.

Steeping In Irony

Jewish culture has been steeping in irony ever since the diaspora began. “Schmuck” epitomizes that irony.

Consider how most men regard their penises. Like jewels, no? And consider how a lot of men behave “like” their penises. Like their penises thought for them.

Here in America, virtually the entire GOP has gone schmuck. What else would you call a political party that wants to burn our democracy to the ground? Or how about a party that stands with rapists and sexual predators – what else would you call them except schmucks (in love with their schmucks in love with their schmucks)?

Schmucks! Schmucks! SCHMUCKS!!!

Really – go name-by-name through the Republican roster and see if the word “schmuck” doesn’t apply to virtually every single name there:

Ron DeSantis? SCHMUCK!

Kevin McCarthy? SCHMUCK!

Samuel Alito? SCHMUCK!

Marjory Taylor Green? SCHMUCK!

In the old days, “schmuck” was almost always reserved for humans who had a schmuck between their legs. Now it can refer to people who have metaphorical or imaginary schmucks between their legs. Like MJT. Schmuckdom is an equal opportunity employer.

Clarence Thomas? SCHMUCK!!!

Both Sides Don’t Do It

And, while we’re outing schmucks, let’s out the biggest collective schmuck there is – our NEWS MEDIA. Who else but a schmuck would think “both sides do it” when only one side ever does “it”? Yeah – most of our news media? They’re schmucks, too!

Only a fool (or a schmuck) lets a man lie to them 30,000 times – and then gives the liar the benefit of the doubt every time the liar opens his lying mouth.

Alas, even the “good guys” have schmucks in their ranks. I hope Merrick Garland ultimately proves me wrong, but he took over a year to begin prosecuting Donald Trump in earnest. That year is about to bite us in the ass in multiple ways – mostly because it gives Trump multiple ways to stall his way back into the White House. Every single day that Garland dawdled – he behaved like a schmuck.